Big Fat Lie (by special request)

It's been the craziest day. I know you'll never believe it, but:

my eyebrows fell out so I replaced them with astroturf

Bono totally stopped asking me out

turns out my brother's hair is actual flames of fire, and burnt me

I danced and looked cool at the same time

a community center asked me to teach cussing in Cuss 101 for immigrants from under-cuss-developed countries, and after a week of observing the effects of long-term cuss-deprivation on otherwise bright, hopeful young intellectuals, it struck me that my recent statements in a blog about cussing were not only offensive and ignorant, but extremely significant on an international scale. As the only possible response to this realization, I immediately and publicly renounced myself.

I am no longer Jane.

Comments welcomed. Thank you.