Identity Crisis

Tricked you - haha! I'm not really married!!

When Eric and I got back from our "honeymoon" - let's just be honest and call it a "sinful vacation" - I was desperate to complete the process of officially changing my name. It's hard enough giving up the label that's followed you around since a couple days after your birth; waiting in the purgatory of post-maiden/pre-married name is just plain uncomfortable.

Surprisingly, no amount of wedding euphoria propels you effortlessly out of this awkward limbo. Each hoop must be jumped through with perfect timing and execution.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Name-Changers:
1. Marry someone whose surname is different than yours.
2. Have the minister and two witnesses sign your marriage certificate and mail it in to the County Clerk-Recorder.
3. Leave for your honeymoon.
4. Return from the honeymoon and check your mail for important marriage-related documents.
5. Find the envelope sent from the County Clerk-Recorder and open it to discover your officially completed and filed marriage certificate.
6. Take your certificate as proof to change your name with the Social Security Administration, DMV, bank, human resources, that obnoxious neighbor who gazes at you longingly whenever you check your mail.
7. Enjoy the relief and security of knowing that your marriage was successful and you now officially share your husband's last name.

For some people, the world works this way. For Bethany [null], the whole process grinds to a halt at step 2 when the minister prints his name in the address line and his address in the name line.

Step 5 reveals a returned certificate requiring corrections and a $25 "certificate duplication fee".

Step 6 is postponed indefinitely.

Step 7 gets pooped on by The System.


Please tell me: Who am I?